Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
