I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize