He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
