I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
