So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
