I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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