he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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