dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I puked a lego.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
