so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
