You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
