From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
