I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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