she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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