Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
