you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
