I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
