sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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