i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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