Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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