Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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