i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
