I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
