you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
