You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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