Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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