okay pat passed out under dana's car
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
