i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
