guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
