He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
