so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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