I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
