I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
