so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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