i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
