If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
