and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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