The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
