***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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