Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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