I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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