i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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