No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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