I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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