I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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