Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
what the fuck happened to the tacos
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
