Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
