Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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