I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
