p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
