turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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