honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize