also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
