I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
