Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (4344) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4423) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.

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  (914): Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase. http://tfl.nu/ryxu
  Replies (68) Good night (642) Bad night (4435)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.

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  (904): hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway. http://tfl.nu/oo0k
  Replies (6) Good night (2943) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...

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  (415): You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me... http://tfl.nu/rukw
  Replies (2) Good night (2130) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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  (615): I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/xkmh
  Replies (1) Good night (1934) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  RIP Mr Bojangles.

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  (910): In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic. (919): RIP Mr Bojangles. http://tfl.nu/00j7
  Replies (13) Good night (1213) Bad night (2183)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.

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  (407): Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary. http://tfl.nu/ntpi
  Replies (4) Good night (1878) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.

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  (270): I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/i6l6
  Replies (5) Good night (3270) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

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  (208): Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging http://tfl.nu/urdf
  Replies (27) Good night (915) Bad night (2641)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.

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  (847): I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year. http://tfl.nu/4k22
  Replies (2) Good night (938) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.

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  (660): I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox. http://tfl.nu/jszg
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.

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  (586): She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late. http://tfl.nu/tfi4
  Replies (5) Good night (392) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you

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  (609): I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you http://tfl.nu/6554
  Replies (3) Good night (668) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.

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  (606): Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location. http://tfl.nu/qwv8
  Replies (2) Good night (683) Bad night (155)

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