tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dating After Heartbreak
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.