afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.