Please, let me fuck your mom
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
cat food counts as protein by the way
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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