i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.