I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.