I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...