My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
