So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no