last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
