I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
