it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
