I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
