I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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