How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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