Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
