i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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