I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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