if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
