i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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