he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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