I'm really into asian looking animals
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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