I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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