I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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