im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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