She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
