yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
