My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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