i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
