??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Green mimosas i think yes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
