You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
